Unspoken
by DJ Nox
Summary: Gippal talks to himself throughout the Crimson Squad training about his inner problems. (Gippalai)
1. Initial Musings

_"Unspoken"_

Author's note: Boredness and a need to jump into Gippal's mind made me write this. Enjoy. Warning for hints at yaoi.

~*~*~*~

It's nights like this where I just want to smack myself in the head. Hard. For two reasons, actually. One, maybe I'll knock myself out and be able to get some sleep. Two, maybe I'll knock some sense into me. It's one of those normal nights in the desert, napping in our sleeping bags. Come morning, we continue our "training". You'd think that an organization like the Crimson Squad would have better training then just sending the recruits out to the desert to kill fiends. Pfft. What are we, desert cleaners or something? They trying to build an amusement park here?

Anyway, I'm ranting. To myself. A bad habit of mine. Hey, I'm not exactly known for my sanity. But, back to what I was talking about before. It's another sleepless night. Maybe it's because of the excitement of earlier battles. Who knows. But I'm sitting here, against a rock, while my three teammates frolic in dreamland.

It's funny. We're probably the most rag-tag group of the recruits. We seem to be the youngest, as well. We have Paine, a 16 year old girl who wears enough leather to make me want to start a group called "People for the Ethical Treatment of Fiends". There's Nooj, age 19. He's the oldest, and looks it. He doesn't even LOOK 19, for crying out loud. And he assumes his role well. Bossing us around, blah blah, he's the oldest, maturest, he makes decisions, you know. The usual. He isn't that bad, though, once you get him to actually crack a smile.

And the last person…well, is one of the causes of my internal problems. His name is Baralai. He's 18, I believe. Dark skinned, silver hair. Rather quiet, but  occasionally cracks a fall-on-your-ass-laughing joke. He has this adorable, quirky smile and---ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. You see, this is my main problem. I've known him for…what, six months now. Originally we fought at lot. I was annoyed with his quiet, let's-spend-lots-of-time-thinking-things-out attitude. And he was annoyed with me for the fact that I was exactly the opposite. Well, that went on for about a month before I found myself one day in a headlock. Damn, he was stronger than he looked. After that little brawl, Nooj forced us to get along. And we did, but not after a month of the famed silent treatment.

It's funny how close we've gotten since then. Out of the group, he's the only one I really feel like I have some kind of connection with, to talk to and all. And it went on for a while, us being best buddies, you know.

And then, one day, I noticed how cute his smile was. Nearly shot myself when I came back to my senses. 'What the hell's wrong with you, Gippal? You're a poor, deprived, depraved child.' I kept repeating that to myself. But that didn't help me from noticing day after day every cute and adorable thing about Baralai. And oh, seeing him half-naked at the oasis by accident did NOT help the matters. At all.

Now, okay. I'm a teenage guy. I should have been able to easily pass this off as some kind of sick, random fascination, lust, whatever. Nothing that I should take seriously. I kept telling myself that. And then, one day, he almost got massacred by a rogue sandworm. He barely made it out of that one. And that got me thinking. What would I do without him? Would I find another friend like him, another person as nice as he was? Well, considering the number of people in Spira, that was pretty probable. But…there was just, something else. Something that was causing the worry I had for him and his well being. Something that was telling me "Gippal. This guy is going to be one of the most important things in your life. Lose him, and you might as well jump off Mount Gagazet, you worthless sonofa---"…Er, sorry. But I didn't understand it, at all. And then a word came into my mind one night. "Love". I laughed when I thought of that. Me, the wonderful Gippal who's bragging rights include being the boyfriend of nearly every Al Bhed girl in Home at one time or another, being in love? It was ridiculous. But as time went on, it began making…some sort of sense.

Even now, I'm not sure of myself. All I know is that I care for Baralai and his precious little smile more than most things. A lot of these sleepless nights I spend just staring at his sleeping form, trying to solve the turmoil that's inside of me. Trying to figure out how I feel. Trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do when I do figure that out.

I wonder if he's noticed my glances. I wonder if he realizes that I watch him when he sleeps. I wonder if he's thought any of these things about me? Nahhh, probably not, but it's always nice to pretend. Fantasy is always a good thing.

…Oh, damnit, is he awake?


	2. Of Competitions and Sleeping Bags

_"Unspoken"_

Author's note: So! It is to be war between us! …Ehem. I'm laughing though, reading reviews of random fics here. It seems like war is brewing between the Gippalai fans and the Gippal/Rikku fans. I don't have much to say other than take it easy, no hostility. And remember, fellow Gippalai fans! Quality over quantity.

Anyway, about this fic. It was originally meant to be a oneshot but it seems like you people really want me to continue, soooo, I'll see what I can do. XD

~*~*~*~

…That was close. Too close. I'm damn lucky that he just woke up. He said he just heard me talking to myself but couldn't make out any of what I was saying. I'm not one for prayer, but Yevon, please let him have not actually heard what I was saying. If he did, I'm not really in a good position.

Anyway, it's about a week after that incident happened. Baralai hasn't been acting too different to me, so…that's good, I suppose. Although a part of me kind of wanted him to hear what I said, just to see what would happen. Hey, I was always one for risks.

Back to our dear Crimson Squad. Training is as usual. No more rabid sandworm attacks, though I swear Baralai's some kind of masochist. There's only so many times one can listen to "Oh, that battle I just fought by myself? I'm perfectly fine. Kindly ignore the huge needle sticking out of my side". Either he doesn't want to worry us more than he has to or he's just an idiot. As much as I care for the guy, I'm leaning towards the latter.

Paine and Nooj have some kind of competition going on between them to pass the time. Something about who can kill more fiends in a certain amount of time. Yes, Paine and Nooj, Bikanel Desert thanks you for your generous contribution to the well being of its sands. Please take this defunct, rare machina as a reward for all your efforts. Oh dear, wasted all your tools for fixing it in making better weapons to kill more fiends with? WELL TOO BAD YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT SOONER.

….Ahem. As you can tell I'm not too happy with all the wasted materials.

We're camped out again by another oasis. I'm not too happy on the idea of camping out near these things, as fiends are bound to be drawn to it, but Nooj insists that we'll be fine. Alright, his problem when there's a sandragora breathing down his neck.

Yet again, I'm awake in the middle of the night. And I officially label myself a genius. Somehow in the fighting today I lost my backpack, which including my sleeping bag. Luckily I still had some of my supplies and my weapons buuuuut…it didn't go too well with Nooj. Kind of got a "DEAL WITH IT" response when I whined to him how cold it was getting.

Baralai's all huddled up in his sleeping bag. Probably weary from all the fighting today.…I'm still wondering whether I should actually tell him or not. I mean…the worst thing that could happen is him being disgusted with me and hating me forever. …Well, that's a pretty bad thing. I don't think I want that. But I mean…we aren't going to be here forever. Our "final test" is in only a month, and if we make it into the Crimson Squad, I doubt we're going to stay in the same groups. I may not see him much anymore…so when would I get the chance to tell him?

Eh, I still have a month to think about it. Procrastinating can be a good thing. And damnit it's cold. I wish I had a blanket or something. Just staring at all of them all toasty in their sleeping bags and…grrrrrr…

….

…….

…I wonder if Baralai would notice if I snuck into his sleeping bag…Heh heh heh…


End file.
